Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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