i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
