so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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