You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
