He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
