the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I hope mine doesn't look like that
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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