So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm bleeding and have questions
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
