I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
