Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
