I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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