I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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