I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
