I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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