now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
