Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
