didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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