Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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