They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
