I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
