Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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