I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
