i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
