Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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