Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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