If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
