Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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