if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
