I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
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