I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
