I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
