do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
