lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
