I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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