a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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