It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
