Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
