It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Say something about gay babies.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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