Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
