Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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