Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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