I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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