I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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