see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I believe in your delicious
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
