i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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