Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
