someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
