somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
