the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
