he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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