I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
