How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
